where i hang

i just finished watching devil wears prada and thinking, how great it would be to live in NY?

 and i started looking through the application information of NYU

yeah yeah i know, New York city is the cliché

the dream city of every little girl since sex and the city have been aired

but imagine how exciting

it'll be well too much imagination, i know, just like paris.



looking at those application forms and i was thinking

do i want to be "Somebody " or just somebody?

you may think well being "Somebody" must be the standard answer but is it?

most people just tend to live a normal life and we're all happy about it

I was think, what if, i just graduated, find a ok paying job work my way up, get paid averagely

 just being able to go by and take my parents to vacation. get married have kids

t doesn't sound to bad, and i think i'll do ok with my average abilities and diplomas, plus i'm smart enough so guess there won't really be a problem.

Or do i really want to and can i be able to go to graduate school? i mean no MBA or something actually useful and can do something on the résumé, but an english literature degree, or creative writing, or comparative literature.

If i want to do that, i'd have to have the ability, the profession and the determination that i might have to live and eat on that my whole life.

 If I succeed, yeepy, if not, i'll just be back to day one.

 I know i'm smart, but am i that smart?

 I don't know, i've always believed i'm above the average and smarter then most people

i'm just have not yet been discovered and just haven't worked for it.

but is that really true? i don't know. to this point this age, everything seems so complicated and 無奈(how do you translate this word anyway?)



 Being in france, i think actually helped me grow up a little. or to be accurate, i'm starting to accept the fact i'm growing up. All these years i've been hiding from that, refusing to grow up. I believed that if we grow up, most of the best quality in men, will be gone. I'm not talking about innocence, our generation aren't born with that. Like creativity, virtue, belief, etc. But refusing it doesn't stop any of us from getting older, and those that were destined to wash away with our years passed, will be gone all the same. And shit happens, the world just don't work the way we want it, and if we want to make it our way, then we just have to hold our tail, try, and believe. I hope He won't be too cruel on us, and i'll stay and live with these thoughts for a longer while, hope they are staying in my head for real.